For many people, talking about feelings doesn’t come naturally. You might have grown up in an environment where emotions weren’t openly discussed, or you may be used to coping by getting on with things rather than talking them through. If this sounds familiar, the idea of opening up in therapy can feel uncomfortable, and you may feel unsure about what to say during your sessions.
It’s important to know that a therapist or counsellor doesn’t expect you to suddenly have the right words for everything you’re feeling. Many people start therapy without being able to clearly name their emotions, and that’s completely okay. A therapist’s role isn’t to test how well you can explain yourself, but to help you explore your thoughts and feelings at a pace that feels manageable.
If you’re unsure where to begin, it can help to start with what you notice rather than how you think you ‘should’ feel. You might talk about changes in your sleep, energy levels, or mood, or describe situations that leave you feeling tense, low, or overwhelmed. These observations give your therapist valuable clues about what’s going on beneath the surface.
It’s also okay to say when you don’t know how to describe something. Phrases like “I’m not sure how to put this into words” or “I don’t really understand what I’m feeling” are very common in therapy. Naming that uncertainty can actually be a helpful starting point, and your therapist can support you in unpacking your feelings.
Over time, therapy often helps you build a shared language for your emotions. As trust develops, you may find it easier to recognise patterns, express feelings more clearly, or reflect on experiences you previously pushed aside. This doesn’t happen overnight, and there’s no pressure to rush the process.
Talking about feelings in therapy isn’t about getting it “right.” It’s about creating a safe space where you can be curious, honest, and imperfect. If it feels unfamiliar at first, that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It simply means you’re learning a new way of understanding yourself, with support along the way.
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